Ethan’s appointment is coming up soon, about 6 days away. I’m starting to feel emotional again today. I’m getting scared about everything and it is starting to hit me again that this is really happening. It’s not just a dream. I so wish it were just a dream. I don’t want my baby to go thru this! I keep asking why him, or if it had to happen, why couldn’t it happen to me instead? I don’t want to see him go thru any pain, or the surgery. and what if something goes wrong? He could be paralyzed or even die from the surgery. He’s still so little and hasn’t even had the chance to live his life yet.
I’ve been really good until today. Trying to research everything, and just have fun with Ethan. But I was sitting here listening to him wake up and make all his little noises and started thinking about how I couldn’t go on living without that. With out him. :(
I’m sorry. I had to vent a little.
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